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12
2016

FIVE WORDS THAT NEED TO END WITH 2016

By Jordan 0

Needless to say 2016 has been an interesting year…Screen Shot 2016-12-26 at 10.37.05 AM

Now, we might be hearing the word “nazzi” a little too much for anyone’s liking, but other than that 2017 is looking up!

As the page turns on yet another year, I say we leave some words and phrases forever encapsulated in 2016- and some we should banish all together, making their usage punishable by death.

The #FitFam culture has indoctrinated a new language of sorts, with an unmistakable nomenclature which is essentially bastardizing language as we know it.

Language, once a great tool, used by such craftsman as Frost, Dickenson, Shakespeare, Twain to create a gateway to the soul, and enlighten and enrich the human experience. Has now been reduced to #BAE.

Just imagine, Shakespeare’s Henry the V reading “once more unto the breach good friends, once more…#SAVAGEAF” Screen Shot 2016-12-26 at 10.41.40 AM

or if Martin Luther King’s fateful “Mountain-top” speech had to be reduced to 140 characters…

– I don’t want to live in this world anymore.

So here it is: FIVE WORDS THAT NEED TO END WITH 2016:

1)” BAE”
I don’t know who, how or why this started. Perhaps a Siri typo is to blame for this simple-minded misprint. Assuming it drives from the word “babe” sans the second “b”.

But regardless of its origins, this one is the first on the chopping block. BAE must DIE.

2) “Dis, Dat, Doe”

Language is built on units of phonemes, which is defined as a unit of sound, and the word itself is derived from the Greek word phonetikos- which translates to “vocal”. In this particular instance 2016 has seemed to declare a fatwah on the phoneme “θ”, which is representative of the “TH” sound. Maybe its stupidity, or pure laziness (that extra letter sure is cumbersome) but what da reason, but dis shit has to stop. We’re trying to have a society hear, and it would be great if you all started contributing.

3) “AS-FUCK. #AF”

This InstaPhrase caught on like wildfire, and not even Smokey the bear himself could stop spread of this meathead hyperbole.Screen Shot 2016-12-26 at 10.49.36 AM
In the order of superlative the social media now recognizes this as the order “good- better- best- AS FUCK” .

In limited use, and with the correct context it started as an aggressive exaggeration. “#savageasfuck was a popular one, but once we’ve reached the level of popularity where it can be shortformed to “AF” in verbal conversation , and its meaning understood, I think its time we let this one ride off into the sunset with the year 2016.
Sound good? Err sorry-
Sound good AS FUCK?!
Thanks.

4) “DED (Crying emoji)”

This one is usually used in context of something being so funny that the subject is dead from laughter, to this I say- GOOD, DIE.

This one erks me to no end, another letter left behind for the sake of convenience. Let me clue you in on something, if you have enough time to go on Facebook and watch a video of a pug in a toilet, or repost a meme of Steve Harvey fucking something up, then you have enough time to write in one more god-damn letter. So lets all be grown-ups in 2017, and resurrect the letter “e” when spelling the word “dead”.

5) “ I cant even…”

You can’t even what?
Finish a sentence? Find a job? Move out of your parent’s house? Get your GED?
Again, used in a humorous setting, “ I can’t even” is meant to describe a situation so funny, that the subject can’t even handle how funny something is? I think- No one has ever finished the thought. But lets turn into past tense in 2017 and make sure “ I can’t even “ goes past tense to “ I couldn’t have”.

So as the finals days of this less than stellar year wind to a close- lets commit ourselves a better 2017 ahead. I’m not asking you all to become poet laureate’s or a defining orator of our generation. All I’m asking is we leave these 5 phrases in the past, and begin to steer the ship towards civility and intelligence.

Happy New Year!

and as always,

Stay Strong,
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Jordan Shallow D.C

author: Jordan

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